Best ten answering machine messages I discovered on the Net today. My favourites are 6, 3 and 1. And yours?
10. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.
8. This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling…. and I’ll think about returning your call.
7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.
5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.
4. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a “sexy” message, I’ll call sooner.
3. Hi. Now YOU say something.
2. Hi. I’m probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
1. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slow. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll call you back.
June 28, 2006 at 11:17 am
11. “You’ve reached the B&D hotline. All our operators are tied-up right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions and bark like a dog, we’ll get right back to you with your penance.”
12. “We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and Master Card, Visa, or American Express account number and we’ll get back to, pending credit approval.”
13. Hi, this is John’s answering machine. He’s not here, but I’m open to suggestions.
Hi, this is John’s answering machine again. He’s gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Krazy’s. Life sucks.
14. Noisy pick-up of phone Uh… Hello? Hi, I ‘m a burgular and I was just about to steal Troy’s answering machine. If you give me your name and number I’ll..uh, I’ll post it on the ‘frige where he’ll see it. Uh.. by the way, where did you say you live?
15. [Must have good Australian accent] G’day mate. Can’t come to the phone now because I’m a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.
16. Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway’s not here right now, but if you’ll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he’ll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn’t count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!
17. The number you have reached, Seven. Six. Seven. One. Two. Three. Four. [Use your number here.] has not been disconnected and is still in service. Please leave a message at the sound of the tone.
June 29, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Like short one better. Like “Hello, I am nice .. how about you?” 😛
Ja.NICE: Sounds cool. I might use it for my answering machine message. 🙂
June 30, 2006 at 5:55 am
hi, this is troubadour. i can’t leave a message right, but if you reply with a sexy message, i may leave you my phone number. 😉
Ja.NICE: Sexy. 😛