Not Again! 
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline: 

  If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. 

  If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. 

  If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so

we can trace the call. 

  If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. 


If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.